One of the most common things said in a relationship is how one party does what the other party wants more, or that one party always gets their own way. It can take a while to sort those dynamics out, some never do. Gray and I went through this stage where at night we would end up doing what he wanted because I never wanted to pick, not because there was nothing I wanted to do, but more because I didn't want to inflict him with stuff I wanted.
This can become more difficult with a child or children in the mix, to make sure both parents get downtime and equal standings. Luckily we found away around this. Here are our top things we do to keep the sanity;
We alternate nights of who picks what we do, then Saturdays we pick together. The other person can refuse, only with good reason and never do it multiple times in a week.
We both get at least one day a month at an agreed upon weekend, where they get out of jobs and child watch for the day and do what they want to do. Only reason this wouldn't happen is for illness, but it always gets rearranged.
We alternate who gets up on the weekends and does weekend night shifts. We both need rest, plus its not fair one person always doing it.
Night shift duty whilst we are working is split in proportion to what we are working. I work three days a week, so Gray does one night shift during this time. I do the rest because he works all week.
Money! Gosh the elephant in the room for most couples. Luckily we have never had an issue with this. Soon as we found out I was pregnant, we set up a joint account, our sons child allowance goes in there, then on payday, we each put an amount in, proportion to what we earn. This covers all of Bambinos stuff, food and essentials, rent. Then the rest of our wages is to do with as we please. We also put an equal amount into wedding savings, neither one of us pays more for that. It is a balance that works really well for us. If it is a luxury item, we discuss it and discuss if it is for our family or for us as individual, which determines which account it comes out of.
Spend at least one night apart doing our own thing. We aim to take one night a week, where we each doing something without the other. Could be gaming, TV, anything. It is good to have that space and not be in each others pockets none stop. Especially during lockdown, where we can't go out with friends or family to socialise.
On the other side of the coin, we take one night a week, for just the two of us and we talk through things that have been happening. Events, work, family, future plans and we sit down and just chat for hours. Its one of our favourite things to do.
Chores! Sometimes I love cleaning, others bleh! I aim to do the cleaning our share of the cleaning on a Thursday morning. This means full bed change, dust or clean down, hoover and general tidying of the bedrooms. Then if my knee isn't too bad, I may help with bathroom/toilet cleaning or some ironing. Then Gray will be asked to put the clothes away if I haven't had chance or just to tidy up his side of the bed. Admittedly, it does get frustrating when the rooms get messy really quick or its always me doing it, but Gray helps when he can around working. It's right that I should do most of it because I don't work on Thursday and Friday. Plus Bambino is learning to clean and tidy too.
These are just some of the things we do, there is probably loads more, let me know what kind of things you do.